To say I have a bad temper would be a terrible, terrible understatement. I have an awful temper. However, I've mastered the art of seething in silence, so no one worries about any episodes from me. I make it a point to keep my composure when I'm angry because I think public outbursts are tacky. That's just me, though.
So why is it on the few occasions where I decide to speak my mind, even in a calm manner, I'm labeled as an angry black girl? Shoot, why am I labeled as an angry black girl before I even open my mouth to respond to something that might have provoked me to anger?
An instance that captures my ire perfectly is one that makes my blood pressure rise just thinking about it. I was one of perhaps ten black girls to attend this mock trial program in Washington, D.C. this past summer. One of the white girls said "nigga" and instead of apologizing, she said that her friends were fine with her saying the word and that she thought we would be as well, since we didn't seem like the ghetto type to take off our hoops and fight.
I was honestly speechless. Was that really how people viewed me and others like me? I've never worn hoops in my life. I've also never been involved in a physical altercation. My entire family is Black, but I was still raised to believe that fighting is tacky. I'm probably the last person who would ever be seen "taking off my hoops to beat someone down."
Anyways, the situation was handled, as two of our camp leaders were Black girls who knew exactly what to do. They gathered us together in a room and told us how we couldn't do anything but be better than that girl in trial- which we were- because any negative reactions would reinforce that angry Black girl stereotype. However, the incident is still imprinted in my memory to this day.
I am so much more than an angry Black girl. I am smart, loyal, ambitious, and an entire slew of other adjectives that have nothing to do with my skin color. Why can't the world see me like in that light instead?
Would love to hear your thoughts, please comment!
Honey, I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteMy advice (coming from someone who attended private school and was often the sole black girl there) :
school is for learning knowledge and social codes. Do not look up to White people for emotional support - especially in your circumstances. You will end up being confused, and always doubting yourself.
It might had been made as a joke, it might have been a deliberate attempt at moking you. Build your identity on something stable (based on someone's love for you). Look at your parents or Jesus, if you are christian.
Self doubt is fatal.
This interview of Erinn Westbrook might help (when she talks about her challenges growing up) :
ReplyDeletehttp://swirlgirlarmy.com/post/56881206395/meet-swirl-girl-icon-erinn-westbrook