I have no problems admitting that. But, that trait isn't inherent; I didn't just start pushing myself for no reason. It's a product of circumstance.
For starters, my parents not being around for the majority of the last fifteen years had more influence on my work ethic than I'd like to admit. As a child, I hoped that if I impressed them by being the best at everything, they would actually take in interest in me. I was wrong. If anything, my accomplishments were never enough. To them, I could always do better. My peers and teachers saw me as a bright young girl with so many achievements under her belt, but I didn't see myself that way. I felt mediocre. I still do.
Also, growing up forced me to realize that I was going to have to do more than I'd previously thought to be successful in this world. I'm a female and I'm black. That's two strikes against me. If you watch Scandal, you've probably watched the scene where Olivia's father gives her the dressing down of a lifetime. I won't go into details of Papa Pope's pretty amazing monologue, but one thing he said resonated with me. While berating Olivia for being foolish enough to allow herself to be a mistress, Papa Pope reminded Olivia that she would have to put in twice as much work to get half as far as her white counterparts, something he'd clearly drilled into her as a child.
For starters, my parents not being around for the majority of the last fifteen years had more influence on my work ethic than I'd like to admit. As a child, I hoped that if I impressed them by being the best at everything, they would actually take in interest in me. I was wrong. If anything, my accomplishments were never enough. To them, I could always do better. My peers and teachers saw me as a bright young girl with so many achievements under her belt, but I didn't see myself that way. I felt mediocre. I still do.
Also, growing up forced me to realize that I was going to have to do more than I'd previously thought to be successful in this world. I'm a female and I'm black. That's two strikes against me. If you watch Scandal, you've probably watched the scene where Olivia's father gives her the dressing down of a lifetime. I won't go into details of Papa Pope's pretty amazing monologue, but one thing he said resonated with me. While berating Olivia for being foolish enough to allow herself to be a mistress, Papa Pope reminded Olivia that she would have to put in twice as much work to get half as far as her white counterparts, something he'd clearly drilled into her as a child.
Those words reminded me of remarks I'd heard while growing up. I didn't get the exact same lecture, but the underlying message was always present when I would get in trouble for participating in some foolish activity that my friends had talked me into doing. My grandma would make some comment along the lines of, "You know you can't do everything they can." I brushed those words off at the time, but I'm now realizing just how much truth they hold. I can't do everything my white friends can. I have to be more conscious of my actions. I have to be smarter. I just have to be better.
